SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 8:13-14
It is told that a chasid once came to his rebbe and said, “Please, Rebbe, give me a berachah that my children should want to study Torah.” The rebbe replied, “I suggest that if you want your children to learn, you yourself should begin to learn. Otherwise, your children will grow up the same way as you, and they will one day come to me for a berachah that their children should want to learn …”
The point of the story is that children imitate what they see. The Chofetz Chaim says that the same applies to instructing children to avoid lashon hara. If parents set a proper example and are careful to avoid speaking lashon hara, then they can demand of their children to do the same. If, however, parents regularly speak against others and then tell their children, “Stop speaking lashon hara!” their words will have little effect.
If a father tells his child, “Mr. Stone, that fellow who sits next to me in shul, is not a very nice person,” the child is not permitted to believe it, just as he may not believe such lashon hara from anyone. What the child should do is tell his father privately, “I do not mean to be disrespectful, but could it be that what you told me about the man in shul was actually lashon hara?” It is a great mitzvah to point this out to the parent, so that hopefully he will be more careful with his words in the future.
The Torah states:” Rebuke your fellow Jew and do not bear a sin because of him.” It is a mitzvah and an obligation to try to correct another Jew’s sinful behavior. Our Sages learn from the words, “And do not bear a sin because of him,” that we should not sin in the manner in which we offer criticism. This means that though we have to criticize a sinner and point out his mistakes, we should not sin by embarrassing him. Rather, we should address him respectfully and preferably in private. This applies any time we must point out someone’s sins.
Surely this is true when pointing out a parent’s sins. If parents are speaking lashon hara, we must try to stop them. The Chofetz Chaim states that if we remain silent, we will be held accountable in Heaven for permitting them to continue to commit this terrible sin. At the same time, we must be very careful to address them with the utmost respect. We must speak to them in a way that makes clear our great love and respect for our father and mother, who brought us into this world and do far more for us than we can ever repay.
IN A NUTSHELL
We are not permitted to listen to lashon hara spoken by our parents. It is a great mitzvah to respectfully ask parents to refrain from speaking lashon hara.
-A project of Mesorah Publications –
