SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 9:5-6
Shlomo HaMelech said: “Train a youth according to his way; even when he grows old, he will not turn away from it” (Mishlei 22:6. When children are trained to do what is right in a way that they understand and appreciate, this training will remain with them for the rest of their lives.
When children speak lashon hara, adults may feel, “Leave them alone — they are only children.” The Chofetz Chaim says that this is incorrect. If we want our children to grow up to be G-d-fearing Jews who carefully avoid forbidden speech, we must educate them regarding shemiras halashon when they are young.
In the Chofetz Chaim’s words:
How important it is for a parent to train his children on a constant basis, from their youth, regarding shemiras halashon. As the Vilna Gaon wrote, much practice is needed to develop good habits in proper speech and midos, and habit dominates a person’s behavior.
When we ponder the matter well, we realize why the bitter sin of lashon hara is widespread. People are accustomed from their youth to saying whatever they please — and no one protests! They do not even consider the possibility that such talk is forbidden. Even if, at some later time, they become aware that it is forbidden, they find it very hard to change a habit that has been part of their nature for so long.
This would not be the case if a parent would frequently caution his children and train them from their youth to avoid lashon hara against any Jew (and not to curse or lie). Then it would be implanted in their souls as part of their nature, and it would be easy for them later to be fully careful in guarding this holy midah (of shemiras halashon). And through this, they would merit the World to Come, and all that is good in this world.
The Chofetz Chaim concludes this chapter with an important halachah: If someone tells his friend a private piece of information, it is forbidden for the friend to repeat it to anyone without the person’s permission. This is true even if the person did not say, “Keep it a secret.” The rule is: Do not repeat anything told to you in confidence unless you are absolutely certain that the person does not mind it being repeated to others.
IN A NUTSHELL
Children must be taught to carefully avoid lashon hara.
Secrets should remain secrets.
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