SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 10:15-16
It is safe to assume that no one was more careful with his words than the Chofetz Chaim. There is no doubt that Sefer Chofetz Chaim contains no exaggerations or, G-d forbid, inaccuracies. Every word is one-hundred-percent Torah truth.
It should, therefore, make a great impression on us when the Chofetz Chaim writes about lashon hara in grave terms, as he does in this segment. In the previous segment, he wrote that one is permitted to tell others of the wrong done against him when this can help his situation. Here, the Chofetz Chaims cautions the speaker to be extremely careful with his words when conveying such information …
… because at the time when he is relating the information, he is in great danger, of speaking lashon hara if he will not meet the seven conditions listed above. About such situations it is written, Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
What is the solution? How can a person tell others how someone has harmed him, or is seeking to harm him, without getting caught in a web of lashon hara? The only way, says the Chofetz Chaim, is to think the matter through carefully before relating the information. In this way, one will choose his words carefully and decide exactly what he should or should not say. The Chofetz Chaim warns that without proper forethought, the person runs the risk of being overcome with anger towards the one who has wronged him, and this will result in him saying things that he should not have said.
I n the previous segment, the Chofetz Chaim inserted a footnote that bears special mention.
We have seen that a person is allowed to speak what would normally be considered lashon hara in order to enlist someone’s help to save himself from harm. There is a situation where the perpetrator cannot be stopped, and nevertheless it might be permitted to speak what would normally be labeled as “lashon hara.”
Mrs. Friedman put the finishing touches on her year-end report and handed it in to her superior at the office. She was proud of the final product, the result of countless hours of research, writing, and rewriting. She placed it on her superior’s desk and hoped to hear a compliment within a few days.
The next morning, her superior greeted her by saying, “I flipped through that ‘scrapbook’ you left on my desk. Maybe you thought you were still back in high school doing special projects for the G.O. This is a highly professional office and we expect much better than that!”
Mrs. Friedman had to restrain herself from bursting into tears. When she came home that night, her husband took one look at her and knew that something was wrong. “What happened?” he asked, quite concerned.
“Am I allowed to tell him?” she asks herself. “He knows who my superior is — we daven in the same shul. Isn’t it lashon hara?”
The Chofetz Chaim suggests that when a person is suffering emotional hurt and needs to unburden himself (or herself) to someone, he would be allowed to do so even though this would mean relating lashon hara. He cites the famous teaching, “When there is worry in a man’s heart, he should tell it to others.”1 This is considered speaking lashon hara l’to’eles (for a constructive purpose).
Of course, this is only when there is a real emotional need to tell someone one’s personal problems. The attitude that “if he can speak lashon hara about me, I can speak lashon hara about him” is immature and contrary to halachah.
IN A NUTSHELL
We must ponder our words very carefully before speaking lashon hara l’to’eles.
Speaking to relieve emotional pain is considered lashon hara l’to’eles.
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