SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 9:1-2
Avak lashon hara (lit. the dust of lashon hara) refers to statements that are not actual lashon hara but do contain some aspect of lashon hara.
“Who would have believed that he would be where he is today?”
“Let’s not talk about him; I’d rather not speak about what happened.”
In both these statements, nothing bad has actually been said. However, they both hint to the possibility that there is something uncomplimentary about the person that is not being said:
“Who would have believed that he would be where he is today? Why, only five years ago, he was on the streets doing nothing with his life, and now he is a productive member of society.”
“Let’s not talk about him; I’d rather not speak about what happened. After all, we all like him. Why speak about something that is a stain on his reputation?”
We should never say something about a person that either hints to something negative, or that will lead others to say something negative about the person.
What could be wrong with praising someone?
Plenty, according to the Chofetz Chaim.
Never praise someone in front of people who dislike him, for they are bound to find something uncomplimentary to say about the person.
Never praise someone excessively to anyone. When you gush with praise about someone, the listener is likely to respond, “Yes, it’s all true, but no one’s perfect, and I happen to know that …”
Never praise someone (even in a non-excessive way) in front of a crowd, because quite possibly at least one person present will point out something negative about that individual.
An exception to this rule is when the speaker is discussing a renowned tzaddik. For example, it would be perfectly correct to sing the praises of the late Rosh Yeshivah of Mesivta Torah Vodaath, Rabbi Avraham Pam, for no one would have anything negative to say about him.
The Chofetz Chaim cautions: Reuven should not initiate a conversation with Shimon about Levi if he knows that Shimon and Levi are not on the best of terms. In such a case, there is a reasonable possibility that Shimon will say something negative about Levi.
In Be’er Mayim Chaim, the Chofetz Chaim goes a step further: If someone is a party in a case in beis din, it is best not to ask him how the court ruled. This is because if the court ruled against him, he might bear a grudge against the dayanim (judges) and say something negative about them. Thus, asking him about the ruling might lead to the great sin of disparaging talmidei chachamim.
IN A NUTSHELL
Before praising someone, consider whom you are speaking to and how great the praise is.
In conversation with others, do not mention names of those towards whom they may have bad feelings.
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