SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 9:3-4
“Mr. Friedman is such a wonderful person; the other day, he lent me $10,000.”
“If any of you ever needs a place to stay or a good meal, go to the Morgans. I stayed there for a week and they treated me like a king; every night I was served a five-course meal and they gave me exclusive use of their second car!”
It may come as a surprise that the Chofetz Chaim places the above statements in the category of avak lashon hara.
Yes, these statements are highly complimentary, but they could cause the person spoken about much distress. Mr. Friedman probably does not want the entire community to know that he lent this person $10,000. It is quite possible that there was a specific reason why he lent him such a large sum. Now that this was announced, people will come ringing his doorbell expecting the same — and he will have a hard time explaining to them that he cannot satisfy their requests. And, as the Chofetz Chaim notes, one or two dishonest people may be among those who will now request loans of him, and if he does honor their requests, he will later regret it.
The same applies to the guest who was treated so well by the Morgans. It is wrong for him to publicize their exceptional hospitality. This could bring unsavory people to their door who will be a source of aggravation to them.
However, if the man who received the loan knows that his friend, an honest person, needs to borrow money, he could tell him privately, “Speak to Mr. Friedman; he might be able to help you.”
And if the former guest knows that his friend needs to find lodging for a few days, he can pick up the phone and ask the Morgans if they would be able to host his friend.
The Chofetz Chaim concludes his discussion of avak lashon hara by cautioning us not to make statements that are in fact permissible, but which people might misinterpret as being lashon hara.
In the following chapter, we will learn of situations where lashon hara may be related l’to’eles (for a constructive purpose), but only in the presence of three or more. This is so that the speaker will avoid the impression that he is trying to be secretive because there is an element of falsehood in his report. If he does relate the information in a secretive way, thereby giving a bad impression, he is guilty of causing others to think that he is speaking lashon hara.
One should not socialize with baalei lashon hara, people who have little regard for the Torah’s prohibitions against speaking lashon hara, and who frequently engage in lashon hara.
If someone innocently sat down among a group and in the midst of conversation realized that the current topic is full-fledged lashon hara, he should speak up for the sake of Hashem and His Torah, and tell the others that such discussions are forbidden. Even if he knows that his words will be ignored, he should still speak up and make it clear that he is opposed to such discussions. The only time he should remain silent is when it seems that these people will react to criticism with anger and will speak even more lashon hara than they would have had he remained silent.
IN A NUTSHELL
Do not make complimentary statements about someone if this might cause him distress.
Voice disapproval when lashon hara is spoken, unless this will lead to more lashon hara.
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