SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 10:3-4
In sefer Melachim, the prophet decreed that the family of the wicked King Achav would be eradicated because of the widespread idol worship that Achav had brought about. This prophecy was fulfilled through Yehu, and Hashem rewarded Yehu by decreeing that he and three succeeding generations would rule over the Ten Tribes.
However, Yehu himself was later guilty of idol worship. Therefore, he was held accountable for killing the family of Achav. A person has no right to execute punishment upon others for sins of which he himself is guilty.
From this we learn an important halachah regarding lashon hara l’to’eles. A person can only report on someone else’s misbehavior if he himself is innocent of it. However, if he himself is guilty of such behavior, he may not relate it to others, although he wants to do so for an important, constructive purpose. The reason for this is simple. If he himself is guilty of the same “crimes” then his intent in relating such information cannot be entirely pure.
Chanina has the bad habit of riding his bicycle on other people’s property without permission. In the process, he has destroyed gardens, knocked down wooden fences, and broken children’s toys. He and his parents have been spoken to, but nothing has changed. Chanina’s parents insist that since the gates of the properties were left open, their son innocently assumed that he could ride inside, and therefore there is no reason he should have to pay for damages.
Is it permissible to speak about Chanina’s reckless, damaging behavior?
A number of benefits can result from speaking about it. When other children hear how people scorn Chanina’s behavior, they will learn to be different, to respect the property of others and to pay when damages occur. Perhaps when Chanina and his parents become aware that people are voicing their disapproval of his antics, they will finally realize that he has to cease this practice of riding on private property, and that the victims of his recklessness have to be paid for damages.
The Chofetz Chaim notes that one has to be careful to relate such information only to someone who will understand that such behavior is wrong. If, however, another boy is guilty of the very same recklessness and his parents are also guilty of indifference, there is no license to speak to them about Chanina’s behavior. In fact, great harm could result from this. Since they don’t disapprove of such behavior, they may tell Chanina and his parents what is being said about them, and offer them moral support. In doing so, they would be guilty of speaking rechilus, lashon hara that causes bad feelings between Jews. Furthermore, this could lead to a full-scale machlokes (feud) within the community.
The Chofetz Chaim points out an all-too-common mistake.
Mr. Goldberg drives a milk truck, which he keeps parked in his driveway. One morning, he finds the car of his neighbor, Mr. Milton, blocking his truck. He rings the Miltons’ doorbell, but no one is home. He gathers a few strong neighbors, and together they push the carfar enough aside to allow room for the truck to pass. Still angry, Mr.Goldberg phones his brother, a hot-tempered fellow, and tells himwhat happened. The brother calls the police, who come and ticket Mr.Milton’s car.
Mr. Goldberg was wrong for thinking that he could share what happened with his brother, and his brother was wrong for believing the report about Mr. Milton. Even if the report was true, this did not prove Mr. Milton’s guilt. Perhaps he has an explanation for why he blocked his neighbor’s driveway. Even if Mr. Milton’s action was inexcusable, the brother had no right to call the police without consulting a rav to determine if the halachah permits this.
What is at the root of the Goldbergs’ mistakes? People mistakenly think that when it comes to relatives, the rules of shemiras halashon fall by the wayside. This is completely incorrect.
IN A NUTSHELL
Before relating lashon hara l’to’eles, be sure that you are not guilty of the same misbehavior, and that you are relating the information to someone who has the desire and ability to correct the situation in a way that the halachah permits.
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