SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Lashon Hara 10:1-2
The Chofetz Chaim now turns to the laws of lashon hara l’to’eles, lashon hara that may be repeated — and often should be repeated — for an important, constructive purpose.
Nosson observed how Tzvi, a new driver, drove recklessly and nearly crashed into a parked car. Nosson mentioned to Tzvi that he should have more supervised practice before getting behind the wheel again while unaccompanied. The next day, he sees Tzvi driving alone, recklessly.
Nosson should report what he has seen to Tzvi’s parents. The Chofetz Chaim lists seven conditions that must be fulfilled in order to relate lashon hara l’to’eles:
1. The person has to know for sure that the action has occurred. If someone heard about Tzvi’s reckless driving from Nosson, he would not be allowed to repeat it (l’to’eles) unless he investigated the report and determined that it was true.
2. He must be certain that the person actually did something wrong. If Tzvi was driving on a rainy day and the car skidded, this does not necessarily mean that he was reckless.
3. Before telling others, he must first speak to the guilty party in a soft tone and attempt to convince him to mend his ways. In our example, Nosson told Tzvi not to drive alone without more practice, and Tzvi ignored this advice.
4. When relating what happened, he must be careful not to exaggerate. If Tzvi’s recklessness was limited to his swerving around corners without slowing down, this is all that should be said.
5. His sole purpose in relating what happened must be to correct the wrong, not out of hatred or any other personal reason.
6. There is no other way to correct the wrong. In our example, other than talking to Tzvi directly (which accomplished nothing), there is nothing that Nosson can do other than speaking to Tzvi’s parents.
7. By relating the lashon hara, the speaker must not cause the guilty party to suffer consequences that are unfair. In our example, Tzvi’s parents should refuse to give him the keys to their car until they are convinced that he can be trusted to drive safely even when unsupervised. This is fair and correct. If Nosson knows that Tzvi’s parents might react by locking him in his room for a day without food or drink, he should not tell them. Instead, he should approach Tzvi’s rav or someone else who has influence over him and ask what to do.
Before speaking lashon hara l’to’eles, it is a good idea to ask oneself, “Did I ever have a bad experience with this person? Is it possible that I harbor a dislike for him and I really want to see him in trouble?”
There is a famous story involving Rabbi Boruch Ber Leibowitz, in which he wrote a letter of recommendation for a young man who had once committed a terrible wrong against him. Before mailing the letter, R’ Boruch Ber asked someone to read it to make sure that he had not omitted any possible praise that he could have written. He understood that people have a tendency to bear a grudge, and wanted to make sure that he was not guilty of this in any way.
IN A NUTSHELL
Lashon hara may be related for a constructive purpose, provided that the seven rules of to’eles are met.
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