SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Hilchos Rechilus 4-5
In Sefer Mishlei, Shlomo HaMelech mentions seven negative character traits that are hated by Hashem. The seventh is described as “an abomination,” the worst of all. What is it? “One who incites strife among brothers.”
The verse is speaking about one who speaks rechilus. Too many friendships have been ruined, too many relatives have become enemies, because of bad feelings caused by mindless gossip.
The story is told of an elderly man, whom we will call Mr. Kohn, who went to a warmer climate for the winter months. Back home, his closest friend, Mr. Levi, was preparing for the wedding of his oldest grandchild. Mr. Levi sent an invitation to his good friend, but was not surprised when Mr. Kohn responded that he would not be attending. Though they were best friends, it was quite understandable that Mr. Kohn felt it too difficult and too expensive to travel home for the wedding.
At the wedding, a mutual acquaintance went over to Mr. Levi and said, “Guess who I met while I was on vacation — your best friend, Mr. Kohn. When I asked him if he was going to be at this wedding, he responded, ‘Are you kidding? — I’ve got better things to do with my time!’”
Mr. Levi was stunned. Could it be that the man whom he considered his best friend would say such a thing? When Mr. Kohn returned at winter’s end, he was surprised to discover that Mr. Levi was no longer speaking to him.
It is doubtful if Mr. Kohn in fact made that comment exactly as it was related to Mr. Levi. If he did say it, he may have intended it as a joke. Even if he did mean it, the man who repeated it to Mr. Levi was not permitted to do so. He was guilty of speaking rechilus and causing strife between best friends.
The Chofetz Chaim points out that to speak rechilus is forbidden even when the two people are already known enemies.
Mr. Stevens tells Mr. Gordon, “I met your nemesis, Mr. Stern, in the dairy restaurant yesterday. He said to me, “If you happen to bump into Gordon, tell him I wish him a bad day.”
Though they are already enemies, there is no doubt that Mr. Gordon’s hatred for Mr. Stern will be further strengthened by hearing such words.
As with lashon hara, rechilus cannot be spoken even if the person is being pressured. It does not matter who is doing the pressuring; even if a parent or teacher demands to hear rechilus, it is forbidden to relate it.
Mr. Young tells his son Ephraim, “A neighbor told me that after Minchah in shul yesterday, someone made a joke about something I once said. Since you were in shul for Minchah, you probably heard the comment. Who said it, and what did he say?”
Ephraim cannot tell his father such information. He should, in as respectful a manner as possible, explain to his father that halachah does not permit him to reveal such information.
IN A NUTSHELL
It is forbidden to speak rechilus even to the subject’s known enemy.
One cannot relate rechilus under pressure, even to a parent.
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